Home / Verbal Slap / Celebrity News / The SLAP-Ya’s: 7th Annual Verbal SLAPS Of The Year Awards (part 1)

The SLAP-Ya’s: 7th Annual Verbal SLAPS Of The Year Awards (part 1)

In 2020, the entire world was slapped by a nasty-ass virus that managed to work its way into every facet of life. As we spent the overwhelming majority of the year glued to our Netflix, Disney+, and HBO Max, things moved at a much slower pace than previous years, but make no mistake. 

They still moved.

NO year is without its fair share of f*ckery, hits and misses, and Verbal SLAPS will not go over some of the highlights and lowlights that remained singed into our retinas whether we like it or not!

Let’s get down to it then!

The YouToobin Award: Jeffrey Toobin

Hide your penis! The first SLAP-Ya goes to Jeffrey Toobin of CNN for showing the world that you can masturbate with your co-workers on the call – if you DARE

The Moniker Of F*ckery Award: Elon Musk & Grimes

Elon Musk and Grimes named their baby X Æ A-12. (Then they changed it to X Æ A-Xii to comply with California law). Honestly, we think it could have been weirder!

The Don’t Quit Your Day Job Award: Gal Gadot

Gal, aka Wonder Woman, needs to stick to bulletproof bracelets and tiaras, because holding we don’t need the Lasso of Truth to tell her the truth: home trick can’t sing! Next!

The Mean Girls Award: Ellen DeGeneres

Ellen’s true nature came to the forefront in 2020, with several staff members calling out her mean ways and celebrities piling on with their own tales of f*ckery from the daytime television host. As her ratings continue to plummet, let’s see if she manages to get through all of 2021 with her show intact. 

Poptrick of the Year Award: Cardi B

Her man may have been cheating on her left and right, but her music career only went straight up. Now that Cardi has become a household name, it is only a matter of time before we are all tired of her. But not just YET!

Track of the Year: W.A.P.

Featuring Megan Thee Stallion, Cardi B’s single not only captured the hearts and loins of the kids, but even older generations got into the mix, reminiscing about their own youthful days when their nether-region was still moist and relevant.

The assASSination Award: J.Lo & Shakira at the Super Bowl

The two latina powerhouses came together for the Half-Time show at the Super Bowl to show the world that black women aren’t the only ones with booty and beats. Thanks to these two, we no longer have to wonder what happens when two big asses rub up against one another. All hail the reinas!

The Check-A-Bitch Award: John Boyega

Most artists probably would have backed down from the power behind Disney, but not Boyega, who called out the company for their racism and made them admit to malfeasance in public. Make no mistake: John ain’t wit’ the sh*t!

The Trans-Trickery Award: J.K. Rowling

There is an entire generation of kids that love every single word J.K. Rowling has ever written, so consider the shock and awe of learning that the billionaire author has no love for trans-people. The Harry Potter author doubled down on her bigotry in 2020 and although millions of (former) fans are demanding a refund, Rowling is sitting pretty at home counting her billions. 

The Bye B*tch Award: The Duke and Duchess of Sussex

The former Meghan Markle proved the majority of Brits wrong who thought that marrying into royalty was THE tea. Instead, after putting up with their incessant racist vitriol, The Duchess took her beauty, her prince, and her baby back to America. To the dismay of the United Kingdom, Meghan let them know that royalty doesn’t mean a damn thing to her and she can make her money the old-fashioned way by WORKING.

Meanwhile, the Royal Family has nothing to say about the Pedophile Prince, aka Prince Andrew. 

La Mujer Mayonesa Award: Hilaria Baldwin

Alec Baldwin can defend her all he wants, but at the end of the day, the receipts came to light and exposed his baby-making wife for the fraud she is. From her heritage and upbringing, to her accent, Hilaria made us all cringe and laugh as she stumbled through the pond of cultural appropriation in attempt to curb the mayonnaise from her resume. 

Chica, adios!

The Hit The Clink Award: Harvey Weinstein

The #MeToo movement finally steamrolled right over Hollywood movie mogul Harvey Weinstein, who was sentenced to 23 years in prison for his sex crimes, in essence putting him away for the rest of his sorry ass existence. 

The Eat Schitt & Choke Award: The Cast of Schitt’s Creek

The little show that no one thought could actually DID…all the way to Emmy after Emmy after Emmy in its final season. One thing is for sure. Eugene Levy has some strong ass genes, because his son is very spitting image of him and we are not NOT liking that! And if those eyebrows are not made for shade, then whose are?!

The Reunification Award – Brad Pitt & Jennifer Aniston

Of course, they did not really get back together, much to the chagrin of rabid Jennifer Aniston fans, but they were seen in the same room together and the same Zoom call, which is good enough for many. Now, do we really need to bring up that Jen would be getting Angelina Jolie’s dregs now? Let’s just overlook that, why don’t we….

The Big Stank P*ssy Award: Tiger King

Who knew Oklahoma was so trashy, skanky, and meth-filled?! With the entire world sequestered at home because because of the ‘Rona, Netflix released Tiger King and had us all bingeing the one show we were all embarrassed to say we loved from start to finish.

The F*ck Cancer Award: Chadwick Boseman

Jackie Robinson.

James Brown.

Thurgood Marshall.

Chadwick Boseman played all of them with excellence, bringing depth and passion to his craft that vaulted him towards the top of Hollywood’s acting elite. His passing in August to colon cancer was a shock to all, and in a moving tribute, Marvel announces that they will not be recasting his role in Black Panther – because they know, as we all do, that he was irreplaceable.

Triston
Triston is an American jetset performance artist, writer, event organizer, and activist based in Europe. As a freelance journalist, he has covered both the underground and mainstream aspects of the arts, culture, music, entertainment, travel, fashion and Fashion Week in several cities, including New York, London, Berlin, Istanbul, Sydney, Bangkok, Hong Kong, and Tokyo to name a few. He has been published in The Huffington Post, Trespass (London), Adaras Magazine (Miami) as well as featured in publications such as the New York Times, Vogue Italia, Washington Post, Turkish Huriyet and other on-line and print magazines in the U.S. and internationally. He recently released his memoir on life in Europe, 'Heaux Confessionals'. As a solo performer and with his band $kandal Du$t, he has toured in some of the world's most renowned clubs, simultaneously maintaining an underground renaissance, blurring the lines of all that is traditional and leaving his indelible, and ultimately unforgettable impression. There is no divide.

Brace yourself.


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