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In 2015, the world of celebrity and f*ckery yet gain went hand in hand, so without further adieu, we remember the ones that made us laugh, made us pray for our sons and daughters, and made us remember that 2016 will be just more of the same shit, different year. So if you forgot a few things?

 

Allow us to re-UNfresh your memory…

 

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Celebrity Couple Crumble: Ben & Jen vs. Halle and Olivier

 

That Halle Berry is on this list is more than likely no surprise to anyone, since she can’t seem to keep a man to save her life. But the official announcement of Bennifer: Part Deux ending was big news in La La Land.

 

After breaking up with Jennifer Lopez in 2002, Ben Affleck hooked up with and quickly married Jennifer Garner in 2003. But in 2015, after a few babythings and millions of dollars earned between the two of them, they called it quits and separated. It ain’t official yet, but we’re betting that Ben will wait until after the release of Batman vs. Superman before he pulls the plug.

 

Halle Berry has lost another hot man and sperm donor in Olivier Martinez, but the upside is that in ten to fifteen years, she will have two of the hottest children in Hollywood running around.

 

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Cell Block Bitch Award: Suge Knight

It’s shocking that it has taken an additional twenty years to finally put Suge Knight in jail and it didn’t even involve bullets!

The hip hop mogul hit and run over two people, then fled the scene before turning himself in to police. With this menace to society finally off the streets, perhaps now we can find out who killed Tupac and Biggie!

 

 

 

The Don’t Call It a Comeback Award: Janet Jackson

Not that we should be crying for a woman that is married to a billionaire and has more Grammys than God, but she’s been gone from the charts for more than a hot minute. Ignored by mainstream media, Miss Janet took matters into her own hands, yielding huge results. With another #1 album and concert ticket sales to match, her triumphant return made Madonna consider locking herself in a vault for a few years in solitude.

Welcome back, Janet. How we missed you!

 

NEW YORK, NY - MARCH 30: Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, Madonna, Deadmau5 and Kanye West attend the Tidal launch event #TIDALforALL at Skylight at Moynihan Station on March 30, 2015 in New York City. (Photo by Kevin Mazur/Getty Images For Roc Nation)

 

 

The Little App That Didn’t Award: Tidal

It seems like only yesterday that Jay-Z and Beyonce got on stage with some of the biggest names in popular music to force Tidal on the entire world. Great things were promised from this streaming service, but for most people, it was overkill and never struck a chord with the general public. This is a club that no one is clamoring for membership to.

Sorry, Bey-Z.

 

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The ‘Bye, Felicia’ Award: Brian Williams

 

Leave it to an anchor of the nightly news to bend the truth so much that Olympic gymnasts as jealous. After being caught in a few lies, anchor Brian Williams was booted off air, demoted, and sent packing. If you can’t trust the anchorman, who the hell can you trust?!

Dan Rather would never do sh*t like this!

 

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The ‘Have Several Seats’ Award: Raven-Symone

 

Every time Raven opened her mouth, IQ points fell out in 2015 and as that trainwreck chugged along, everyone that watched her as a child on ‘The Cosby Show’ internally mourned her existence as an adult. If 2015 was any indication, 2016 will bestow upon us more buffoonery, lunacy, and outright coonery from this foolyun’.

 

 

Triston
Triston is an American jetset performance artist, writer, event organizer, and activist based in Europe. As a freelance journalist, he has covered both the underground and mainstream aspects of the arts, culture, music, entertainment, travel, fashion and Fashion Week in several cities, including New York, London, Berlin, Istanbul, Sydney, Bangkok, Hong Kong, and Tokyo to name a few. He has been published in The Huffington Post, Trespass (London), Adaras Magazine (Miami) as well as featured in publications such as the New York Times, Vogue Italia, Turkish Huriyet and other on-line and print magazines in the U.S. and internationally. He recently released his memoir on life in Europe, 'Heaux Confessionals'. As a solo performer and with his band $kandal Du$t, he has toured in some of the world's most renowned clubs, simultaneously maintaining an underground renaissance, blurring the lines of all that is traditional and leaving his indelible, and ultimately unforgettable impression. There is no divide.

Brace yourself.


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