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An Open Letter to Raven-Symone




Dear Raven-Symone:

Are you and Stacey Dash secretly sisters separated at birth? Because between the two of you, half of America, both black AND white, is realizing that when it comes to solidarity, commonality, and straight up COMMON DAMN SENSE?

Your cup does NOT runneth over!

Now, we realize that you’ve been sheltered most of your life. That you were more than likely home-schooled, so you have not an idea or a prayer what it’s like to hear yourself compared to a gorilla as a black person. But then again, you don’t want to be referred to as an African-American anyway. But hey, as the saying goes….

The writing’s on the wall.





And let us be clear, Raven. We love you. We have loved you since you were that little nappy-headed Olivia on ‘The Cosby Show‘. We love you now as baby-mama Olivia on ‘Empire‘. However. Do NOT get it twisted…

We prefer you….SCRIPTED.

For when you are allowed to speak freely, you often put your feet so deep and far into your mouth that we are convinced your feet have been bound Japanese-style since birth to allow for this much outright foolishness and f*ckery!

We’ve seen certain photos of you where you resemble a raccoon, but we are certain you’d never want anyone referring to you as one no matter how cute you might find them. So do our First Lady, our FIRST Black/African-American First Lady a favor, and?

Have several seats! Apparently, Felicia gets to take a break today….

Bye, Olivia!

Triston is an American jetset performance artist, writer, event organizer, and activist based in Europe. As a freelance journalist, he has covered both the underground and mainstream aspects of the arts, culture, music, entertainment, travel, fashion and Fashion Week in several cities, including New York, London, Berlin, Istanbul, Sydney, Bangkok, Hong Kong, and Tokyo to name a few. He has been published in The Huffington Post, Trespass (London), Adaras Magazine (Miami) as well as featured in publications such as the New York Times, Vogue Italia, Washington Post, Turkish Huriyet and other on-line and print magazines in the U.S. and internationally. He recently released his memoir on life in Europe, 'Heaux Confessionals'. As a solo performer and with his band $kandal Du$t, he has toured in some of the world's most renowned clubs, simultaneously maintaining an underground renaissance, blurring the lines of all that is traditional and leaving his indelible, and ultimately unforgettable impression. There is no divide.

Brace yourself.


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