Marcus to Michele: “Bye, Felicia!”


Shhhh, everyone!


Listen to that sound!
It’s the sound of Marcus Bachmann, the is-he-or-isn’t-he husband of Tea Party trick Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, fleeing the scene of his own crime in her high heels.


Marcus finally got the call he has been waiting for after the Supreme Court of the United States guaranteed same-sex marriage under the U.S. Constitution, so can any of us really blame him for filing from divorce from his wife and possibly running to the Castro?




Haaaay! Put your hands up in the air!!



Marcus was originally a Democrat, after all. Many forget that he met Michele when they both worked on Jimmy Carter’s presidential campaign. But how quickly things change for the worse. Michele became a top leader in Minnesota’s Tea Party Caucus as Marcus’ conversion therapy for gays also took off.


But Marcus has been called out for his alleged homosexuality many a time, especially in the last few years and the dildo hit the glittered fan back in March when he was denied service at a boutique store by the owner, who assumed Mr. Bachmann was a cross-dresser. Says a source close to the Bachmanns…



those pesky Republicans and their hidden oral talents come out during campaign season…


“It’s unfair that just because Marcus Bachmann shops for Michele’s outfits, he’s branded a gay person. It’s a big gay stereotype. We would all sit and laugh about it. Marcus would laugh the hardest and longest. As Michele has said many times in the past, there’s never been a gay bone in his body.”


Silly source. Penis ain’t a bone!





So far, Michele Bachmann’s camp has issued no statement, but that’s probably because she is very busy with an industrial strength dildo at the moment. Expect a word from her camp in about 72 hours.


But we’d give her a week. She’s been denied peen long enough!


Triston is an American jetset performance artist, writer, event organizer, and activist based in Europe. As a freelance journalist, he has covered both the underground and mainstream aspects of the arts, culture, music, entertainment, travel, fashion and Fashion Week in several cities, including New York, London, Berlin, Istanbul, Sydney, Bangkok, Hong Kong, and Tokyo to name a few. He has been published in The Huffington Post, Trespass (London), Adaras Magazine (Miami) as well as featured in publications such as the New York Times, Vogue Italia, Turkish Huriyet and other on-line and print magazines in the U.S. and internationally. He recently released his memoir on life in Europe, 'Heaux Confessionals'. As a solo performer and with his band $kandal Du$t, he has toured in some of the world's most renowned clubs, simultaneously maintaining an underground renaissance, blurring the lines of all that is traditional and leaving his indelible, and ultimately unforgettable impression. There is no divide.

Brace yourself.


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