Who killed and thrilled and who fired and missed at this year’s Met Gala ‘Manus X Machina’: Fashion in an Age of Technology motif? Let’s get straight to the action because there is no time to spare when it comes to fashion! And let us be clear that some of these stars need to reboot their sartorial hard drives ASAP!

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Zoe Kravitz in Valentino

This was a look we could get behind and Zoe Kravitz is steadily climbing up the ladder in our hearts in every way. Her mother has always been winning and now it appears as if Zoe is a chip off the old (and hot) block.

Yasss!

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Dakota Johnson in Gucci

What happens when you give a 9-year-old $30, a box of crayons, and some fabric?

This.

All the hype surrounding this alleged starlet is just that.

Hype.

Get off our red carpet, get off our silver screens, and go back into that crevice of nepotism and start over again.

Girl, bye!

rs_634x1024-160502195623-634-MET-GALA-Arrivals-Olivia-Wilde.ms.50216 Oivia Wilde in Michael Kors

We like the look not necessarily her, so we will, as one of our German friends says, “Go on that!”

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Nicole Kidman in Alexander McQueen

An old pro at working the red carpet, Nicole had to come out of semi-retirement to show these young Hollywood trixxx how to work a look from head to toe.

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Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen

We thought that heroin chic look was out eons ago? Someone give these elves the memo.

And a two-piece and a biscuit!

Next!

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Hannah Davis in Zuhair Murad Couture

We don’t even know who this girl is, but all we know is that we want more more more of this va va va va va va va vooooom.

Watch your back, Sofia Vergara! She might be coming for your throne!

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Zendaya in Michael Kors

She is steadily ramping up her brand and becoming one of the runaway hits of every red carpet and it is only a matter of time before Zendaya is a household name. With stunning looks and the ability to kill it each chance she gets, it is only a question of when, not if. She is a chameleon on the runway, and we love every entry thus far she’s served up.

We are on the Z bandwagon!

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Lily Aldridge in Michael Kors

She made it look effortless and that is when you know you’ve got the game locked. Lily didn’t have to look at anyone else to know she was killing they runway, because all eyes were on her.

Case closed!

Lupita Nyong’o in in Calvin Klein

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When it comes to killing a runway and besting all contenders, Lupita is the best bet to take home best dressed honors every time, and this look was no exception. Don’t hate on Lupita because she knows how to give it her all every time.

Take your shade over there.

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Solange Knowles in in David Laport

You think this shade of yellow was by coincidence? Think again! Beyonce may have the album called Lemonade but we all know her hitwoman is none other than younger sister Solange, who was probably there working the red carpet and trying to find out who the real Becky was. When you want to whoop a trick in style, this is the look that can help you stand out!

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Emma Stone in Prada

Is that you, Emma, giving us fever in this white ensemble? Why yes it is and we love it! If Emma keeps this up, we may accidentally confuse her for that other redhead usually killing the runway, Julianne Moore.

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Amy Schumer (aka Tonya Harding) in Alexander Wang

We understand that Amy Schumer is a comedienne. Really, we do. But we shouldn’t always be laughing every time she decides to disgrace our retinas on a red carpet. Tonya Harding’s stunt double needs to skate on over to a new stylist as soon as possible. Somewhere in a galaxy far, far away, Nancy Kerrigan is tee-hee-hee-ing in a corner.

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Katy Perry in Vera Wang

We barely recognized Katy Perry in this ensemble and for once she didn’t look like she was bumrushed and beaten by The Lollippop Guild, Jem & The Holograms, or Rainbow Brite. We give this a thumbs up and pray she can keep consistently looking like an adult and not a mashup of 17 crayon colors.

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FKA Twigs in Atelier Versace

American audiences need to do some further research into FKA Twigs, bceause with looks and outfits this spectacular, she doesn’t even need to be talented to get attention. But lo and behold.

She is.

rs_634x1024-160502173217-634-madonna-MET-GALA-Arrivals-2016Madonna in Givenchy

So many looks going on here:

Slutty fortune teller?

Wiccan?

Skanky pirate?

No matter which one you choose, the truth of the matter is that all of them are rawng. And Madonna wonders why Rocco doesn’t want to be seen around her. This is a visual shenanigan of epic proportions.

Cindy Crawford in Balmain

Cindy Crawford is more or less retired from modeling, but that doesn’t mean her body and fashion sense are. The supermodel brought her A-game to the red carpet and reminded everyone why she was able to dominate the industry for a generation.

Triston

Triston is an American jetset performance artist, writer, event organizer, and activist based in Europe. As a freelance journalist, he has covered both the underground and mainstream aspects of the arts, culture, music, entertainment, travel, fashion and Fashion Week in several cities, including New York, London, Berlin, Istanbul, Sydney, Bangkok, Hong Kong, and Tokyo to name a few. He has been published in The Huffington Post, Trespass (London), Adaras Magazine (Miami) as well as featured in publications such as the New York Times, Vogue Italia, Turkish Huriyet and other on-line and print magazines in the U.S. and internationally. He recently released his memoir on life in Europe, ‘Heaux Confessionals’. As a solo performer and with his band $kandal Du$t, he has toured in some of the world’s most renowned clubs, simultaneously maintaining an underground renaissance, blurring the lines of all that is traditional and leaving his indelible, and ultimately unforgettable impression. There is no divide.


Brace yourself.


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