Met Gala 2017 Recap

This year, the theme at the annual Met Gala was “Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garçons: Art of the In-Between. But it might as well have been “Wear Whatever the F*ck You Want’ as yet again, the stars prove that most are by and large illiterate and cannot follow instructions. After looking at all of red carpet photos, GlamorSLAP has come the conclusion that this is far and away the worst assemblage of couture on this red carpet in recent memory and it was difficult to find any that stood out for the right reasons. We will assemble the hits and misses and let you decide for yourselves.

Katie Holmes

Met Gala 2017

You know it is a slow day in fashion when Katie Holmes manages to climb her way out of a ditch and on to the best dressed list. Of course, this dress isn’t making any waves, but she is clean, her hair is combed, she is blinged out enough, and there are no Scientology minders in the wings. Good job, Katie!

Blake Lively

Met Gala 2017

Met Gala 2017

Of course Blake Lively would make the cut here. She has to do something  to make up for her sub-par to nonexistent acting abilities. She made the cut at this year’s event, but then again, it wasn’t that hard to do considering the other contenders. Good job, Blake, but keep reading…

Janelle Monae

Met Gala 2017

At least someone got the goddamn memo and decided to slay the damn red carpet and leave the other La La Land trixxx in the dust. Enter Janelle and the divine. Keeping to her signature colors of black and white, she proved yet again that she has and will always have fashion on lockdown.

And then, we have the rest…

Rihanna

Usually, Rihanna is one that can be counted to slay the runway as she has done previously at this event. This year, however, it looks like she is dressed to be slain on the runway. As in walking piñata! Or perhaps this was one of her leftover outfits from Carneval? Either way? Computer says ‘mierda’!

Kendall Jenner

Met Gala 2017

Met Gala 2017

If this dress looks vaguely familiar, it is probably because Kendall has already worn a version of it before on the red carpet. Doesn’t she make enough money shilling as an alleged supermodel to afford something aside from the R.I.D. (Rent Is Due) dress? Or has her mother demanded she ho the extra mile as their family totters on the brink of famewhore extinction?

Madonna

Met Gala 2017

Why is Madonna dressed like a renegade cartel member looking for someone to snipe? The answer is clear: there are more than a few women at this year’s gala that are in alleged talks to portray her in an upcoming bio-pic. Don’t get it twisted, trixxx. If push comes to shove? Madge will snipe your ass in couture! Who was she after? Read on…

Katy Perry

Met Gala 2017

Have shots been fired or about to be? How else to explain Katy Perry‘s veiled f*ckery? If couture was a gun, we’d all be dead from this assault of visual f*ckerization. Next time, Katy? Just stay at home!

Triston
Triston is an American jetset performance artist, writer, event organizer, and activist based in Europe. As a freelance journalist, he has covered both the underground and mainstream aspects of the arts, culture, music, entertainment, travel, fashion and Fashion Week in several cities, including New York, London, Berlin, Istanbul, Sydney, Bangkok, Hong Kong, and Tokyo to name a few. He has been published in The Huffington Post, Trespass (London), Adaras Magazine (Miami) as well as featured in publications such as the New York Times, Vogue Italia, Turkish Huriyet and other on-line and print magazines in the U.S. and internationally. He recently released his memoir on life in Europe, 'Heaux Confessionals'. As a solo performer and with his band $kandal Du$t, he has toured in some of the world's most renowned clubs, simultaneously maintaining an underground renaissance, blurring the lines of all that is traditional and leaving his indelible, and ultimately unforgettable impression. There is no divide.

Brace yourself.


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