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Mick Jagger

Mick Jagger & The Curious Case Of Geriatric Peen Poppin’

Mick Jagger

Has Mick Jagger ever met a crevice he hasn’t finagled his way into?!

As a performer that knows how back stages can get horizontal quicker than you can say ‘Rolling Stones’, it is not exactly shocking that Dick Mick Jagger and the Crypt Keeper-like ball sac which carries his vampiric sperm have managed to knock up yet another pretty young thing that is sure to pop out a child that will not be right!

According to tabloids everywhere from Los Angeles to London, Jagger has pirouetted into the poon of dancer Melanie Hamrick, who has allegedly been seeing the geriatric rocker for nearly two years. For those that know how to count, that means Mick was juggling this side-piece alongside his girlfriend of 13 years, L’Wren Scott, who committed suicide by hanging herself after discovering news of this affair and possibly countless others.

Mick Jagger

This will be Jagger’s eighth child, and it is not yet clear if the two will continue their relationship as is – which is extremely clandestine – or if they will take it to the next level. A betting man wouldn’t count on Mick popping the question, however. Word on the street is that Mick has already negotiated a $15 million buy-out for Hamrick as well as a home anywhere that she chooses.

Now, the rumors have always been that Mick Jagger is reportedly stingy and cheap, but a condom is mere pennies on the dollar, and free if you get yourself down to the free clinic! Melanie should take heed, however, because who wants to get with Mick and end up changing the diapers of your man AND your baby?!

Triston is an American jetset performance artist, writer, event organizer, and activist based in Europe. As a freelance journalist, he has covered both the underground and mainstream aspects of the arts, culture, music, entertainment, travel, fashion and Fashion Week in several cities, including New York, London, Berlin, Istanbul, Sydney, Bangkok, Hong Kong, and Tokyo to name a few. He has been published in The Huffington Post, Trespass (London), Adaras Magazine (Miami) as well as featured in publications such as the New York Times, Vogue Italia, Washington Post, Turkish Huriyet and other on-line and print magazines in the U.S. and internationally. He recently released his memoir on life in Europe, 'Heaux Confessionals'. As a solo performer and with his band $kandal Du$t, he has toured in some of the world's most renowned clubs, simultaneously maintaining an underground renaissance, blurring the lines of all that is traditional and leaving his indelible, and ultimately unforgettable impression. There is no divide.

Brace yourself.


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