Prince-Madonna-Main

We’ve already had one unworthy tribute by poptrixxx **cough-Lady Gaga– cough** and now here comes another one to snatch what little life left from us that 2016 has not squashed.

This is some purple acid rain, future foolishness and outright sonic f*ckery in the making and we demand to see the receipts, a recount, and all the chads! Because?

Madonna and Prince do not go together! Never have, never will, and this is an affront to our very LIVES. This ain’t no peas and muthaf*ckin’ carrots type of sitch! Stop now do not pass go, do not eat the cake Anna Mae!

Do not get into this groove!

Madonna

We’re gonna need a moment or three to process this and figure out the whos/whys/hows of this announcement because something in the milk is not clean, is unpasteurized, and curdling with the quickness. The first, most obvious thought is that Billboard has lost its damn mind. The second is that Madonna has sucked and swallowed the right one this time, because she is set to ‘honor’ **insert eyeroll-side-eye-WTF here** Prince with a tribute that is sure to make every fan want to dig Prince up and weep over his passing one more ‘gain.

Madonna

Let us be clear: a dead, cold, decaying Prince could be placed on stage and still put on a more original show than Madonna could. You know it’s true. The last time she was original…

Wait, she never was original.

We digress…

We are absolutely certain Prince is probably six feet under spinning like a whirling dervish so quickly that he is probably four turns from transforming into a diamond, which would be fitting since he could use himself to cut a bitch for dating to defile his legacy with this surefire f*ckery!

Madonna isn’t even the best choice for playing a truckstop hooker in assless chaps, but at least in that role she’d have a wealth of experience. All we want to know is where can we sign the petition to 86 this impending calamity?!

Everyone is shaking their heads on this one, and Prince is six feet under looking like this…

Madonna

So of course, we have a suggestion:

What Billboard really needs to do is get a big ass JumboTron screen, find a copy of Purple Rain, press ‘play’, and then force everyone to watch it without commercials.

Leave Madonna where she belongs: at the corner of Famewhore Street and Desperation Boulevard to wait in line for the virgin tears of Janet Jackson’s upcoming child.

(yes, you know there’s a line!)

We do not co-sign!

Triston

Triston is an American jetset performance artist, writer, event organizer, and activist based in Europe. As a freelance journalist, he has covered both the underground and mainstream aspects of the arts, culture, music, entertainment, travel, fashion and Fashion Week in several cities, including New York, London, Berlin, Istanbul, Sydney, Bangkok, Hong Kong, and Tokyo to name a few. He has been published in The Huffington Post, Trespass (London), Adaras Magazine (Miami) as well as featured in publications such as the New York Times, Vogue Italia, Turkish Huriyet and other on-line and print magazines in the U.S. and internationally. He recently released his memoir on life in Europe, ‘Heaux Confessionals’. As a solo performer and with his band $kandal Du$t, he has toured in some of the world’s most renowned clubs, simultaneously maintaining an underground renaissance, blurring the lines of all that is traditional and leaving his indelible, and ultimately unforgettable impression. There is no divide.


Brace yourself.


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