Amy Schumer

ain’t nobody got time for SOS: SistersOfSorcery

Didn’t we tell y’all a while ago that #Becky has a new face?!

We would never steer you wrong!

Who can keep up with #Becky and her almost daily metamorphoses? She is literally snatching the faces of several prominent white women lately, showing their true colors. And as expected?

They’re lily white.

And just like gremlins that you feed after midnight, #Becky has returned yet again, and this time, she’s looking exactly like Lena Dunham and Amy Schumer.

Amy schumer

aka ‘The #BeckyTwins’.

aka ‘#Becky,Interrupted’

aka ‘#SaltinesOfSorcery’.

Let’s examine this  moment of inarguable f*ckery.

Picture it:

A conversation between two privileged, alleged feminists that just happen to be wealthy and claiming to be ‘evolved’. Oh, the audible f*ckery that will seep from their thin lips. These saltines need some smelling salts because it is quite clear they are unconscious and need to be resuscitated as soon as humanly possible!

Their reckless banter reached the heights of its white privileged peak when both ladies lamented and revealed scenarios that played out only in their medulla oblongata-less minds…


Schumer: “I attempted to grind my ass on Michael B. Jordan for an additional twenty minutes and then left right after you.”

Dunham: “I was sitting next to Odell Beckham Jr., and it was so amazing because it was like he looked at me and he determined I was not the shape of a woman by his standards. He was like, ‘That’s a marshmallow. That’s a child. That’s a dog.’ It wasn’t mean — he just seemed confused. The vibe was very much like, ‘Do I want to f— it? Is it wearing a … yep, it’s wearing a tuxedo. I’m going to go back to my cell phone.’ It was like we were forced to be together, and he literally was scrolling Instagram rather than have to look at a woman in a bow tie. I was like, ‘This should be called the Metropolitan Museum of Getting Rejected by Athletes.’”


see Becky culturally appropriate with intense vigor…

So because The Becky Twins were inside their feelings about not attracting the sexual attention of two black men, we are supposed to feel sorry for them?

Don’t just have a seat, Beckys.

Have a goddamn pew!

But this is probably what happens when you have, as Amy Schumer infamously states in her stand-up routine to having “black friend”.

Perhaps, Saltine Sisters, they just weren’t that into you? Perhaps, they could see right through to your false feminist f*ckery and decided not to waste time on ignunt.

But #Becky, Interrupted never sees it like that because for them, we are fodder, a commercial break in their more important lives. Oh, sure sometimes they will waft down from their white privileged air to spend time with ‘the others’, but do they learn anything?



the one time Kanye got it right…

But it’s us that they inject into their routines. It’s us that they mention any time they get a chance. But at the end of an exhausting day, they are the white feminists that can’t work their way out the box. They love the box and all that comes with it. For they love to read about plight, but when it comes time to battle, they fall eerily quiet and get momentarily blindsided with duties. But they’ll get back to us once the next opportunity arises. Because #BlackLivesMatter should have a timetable that fits with their schedule, obviously.

So instead of taking time from sipping your #AllLivesMatter tea (with a dash of #whitefragility) to cry heavy white tears over Odell and Michael, perhaps you should be going full throttle with that #IStandWithLeslie campaign. You know, since she’s one of your ‘sisters in comedy’. With sisters like these, I’d run away from home, too.

Neither of you are WOKE in any way, shape, or form, and for you to dangle an olive branch over non-white feminists when the real answer is crystal clear, I only have two words for you Saltines Of Sorcery.

Girls, BYE.


Triston is an American jetset performance artist, writer, event organizer, and activist based in Europe. As a freelance journalist, he has covered both the underground and mainstream aspects of the arts, culture, music, entertainment, travel, fashion and Fashion Week in several cities, including New York, London, Berlin, Istanbul, Sydney, Bangkok, Hong Kong, and Tokyo to name a few. He has been published in The Huffington Post, Trespass (London), Adaras Magazine (Miami) as well as featured in publications such as the New York Times, Vogue Italia, Turkish Huriyet and other on-line and print magazines in the U.S. and internationally. He recently released his memoir on life in Europe, 'Heaux Confessionals'. As a solo performer and with his band $kandal Du$t, he has toured in some of the world's most renowned clubs, simultaneously maintaining an underground renaissance, blurring the lines of all that is traditional and leaving his indelible, and ultimately unforgettable impression. There is no divide.

Brace yourself.


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