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Tori Kelly’s face perfect summed up this year’s Grammys telecast.

The 2016 were no exception to any other recent Grammy telecasts: shots fired, cancellations, rebuffs, bruises, omissions, et cete-f*ckin-ra!

The anticipated Lauryn Hill/Weeknd duet?

Cancelled!

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Ms. Hill had better things to do than make a huge comeback with The Weeknd. Like laundry.

And the reason?

Traffic.

Girl, bye!

But apparently, Miss Hill had a premonition that this year’s Grammys would be highly f*ckerized, and she would have been right!

Rihanna?

Cancelled!

Blame her ANTI-biotics!

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Because they didn’t work apparently and after a few days of bed rest before the date, RiRi had to cancel, claiming her doctors warned her she would risk damaging her vocal chords. So she would be forced to lip sync the rest of her career.

Sometimes, these jokes just write themselves!

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So Natalie Cole’s people issued their own verbal SLAPS after their Cole was conveniently placed aside for only an ‘in memoriam’, while other famed singers such as Davis Bowie, Glenn Frey, andMaurice White received far more exposure. Let’s hope the Grammy producers don’t get caught in the parking lot by Team Cole!

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Someone tried to sabotage the sonic perfection that is Adele by throwing some voodoo on her mic during her performance. Perhaps they should have applied that voodoo beforeHello’ debuted to the world, because it’s too late.
We have already been assimilated.

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And the verbal SLAP everyone was waiting for all night actually happened when Tay-Tay Swift got on that mic and went for Kanye West’s medulla oblongata….

“I want to say to all the young women out there, there are going to be people along the way who will try to undercut your success or take credit for your accomplishments or your fame. But if you just focus on the work and you don’t let those people sidetrack you, someday when you get where you’re going, you’ll look around and you’ll know it was you, and the people who love you, who put you there. And that will be the greatest feeling in the world. Thank you for this moment.”

– verbal SLAP

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Now, we’re not saying that Tay-Tay was not unknown before Kanye West tried to snatch her trophy fro her hands and hand it to Beyonce. We’re just saying she was not that well known outside of double-wides, trailer parks, and backwoods Kentucky.

surely Kanye can get a few quarters from this whorde?!

surely Kanye can get a few quarters from this whorde?!

But the tables have turned now, because Taylor is richer than God, and Kanye won’t be able to ask her for a loan. I guess he’ll have to resort to putting his THOT wife, THOT-in-laws, transgender mother-in-law, and ho-ish mother-in-law Kris Jenner out on the corners.

Oh, the woe!

Lady Gaga continued her awards season perfection with this rousing tribute to David Bowie that was impossible not to respect…

 

But meanwhile?

Beyonce sat back in #Formation and was like…

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Bow down!

 

 

 

 

 

Triston
Triston is an American jetset performance artist, writer, event organizer, and activist based in Europe. As a freelance journalist, he has covered both the underground and mainstream aspects of the arts, culture, music, entertainment, travel, fashion and Fashion Week in several cities, including New York, London, Berlin, Istanbul, Sydney, Bangkok, Hong Kong, and Tokyo to name a few. He has been published in The Huffington Post, Trespass (London), Adaras Magazine (Miami) as well as featured in publications such as the New York Times, Vogue Italia, Turkish Huriyet and other on-line and print magazines in the U.S. and internationally. He recently released his memoir on life in Europe, 'Heaux Confessionals'. As a solo performer and with his band $kandal Du$t, he has toured in some of the world's most renowned clubs, simultaneously maintaining an underground renaissance, blurring the lines of all that is traditional and leaving his indelible, and ultimately unforgettable impression. There is no divide.

Brace yourself.


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