(*** this article is an edited version of my feature on TheUnderwearExpert.com via an alias ***)


There are tightey whiteys, and then there are nut
crushers. When it comes to your future bastard
abortions, how snug should your undies hug?
GlamorSLAP did a little research to give you the low down on your low-downs!


And by court, we mean majesty, as in you are the king of your castle. And as the king of your castle, you don’t want to end up the court jester, so that means that – how shall we put this delicately?

Mind your balls!

God (or whoever or whatever you believe in) only gave us one pair, so if you love yourself – all of yourself – you should be kinder to them and loosen up.

As in your underwear.


From briefs to boxer shorts to jock straps and beyond – what you wear down there will determine how you feel from head to toe. Since we take it upon ourselves to deliver not only the best in fashion as well as caring for the bits south of the border, we went balls deep with research to gather quotes and statistics to help get your testes back on track. So sit down, grab your sack and take some notes to protect your peen pudding!

According to the National Academy of Sports Medicine, your tight underwear can be more of a problem than you think. From acid reflux disease to urinary tract infection, low sperm production, and blood flow issues, your tight underwear can pose serious health risks over time if not addressed. Do you want your little bastard abortions to stand up and be accounted for? Then you’d better think twice before you pull those too tight undies over them! Viagra and Cialis be damned, erectile dysfunction is a turn-off for any prospective partner. Who wants to be poppin’ those kinds of pills while you’re supposed to be in the most virile years of your life? So if your balls are screaming at you like Fran Drescher in that episode of The Nanny, then there is no need to go see your physician. You should already know! If you’ve been wearing skinny jeans for years plus donning tight underwear, you can probably safely assume that your little men aren’t swimming, but rather treading. The time to act is now! Drop trou, remove your coochie cutters, fling them in the trash (or sell them to someone in Japan online) and go buy a pair that fit you properly!


Size Matters

Make sure that your underwear don’t pinch your penis, ride up too far, or squash your sack! Men come in all shapes and sizes and luckily, so do underwear. Depending on your tastes and preferences, there is no reason not to be able to find a brand that you can agree with. When it comes to the old saying ‘beauty is pain’? When it comes to your precious family jewels? You probably should 86 that adage in favor of your crotch. We repeat: protect your man box! According to Dr. Rafael Lugo of Methodist Hospital in Houston, if your testicles are a bit too tender, your tight underwear could be the cause and it is advised to see a urologist. Studies have indicated that the overwhelming majority of men wear the same underwear all their lives. We strive to significantly lower this statistic or perish trying! To that end, we suggest several brands that can diversify your drawer(s) of undies and protect your package. Here are some pointers to protect yourself against too tight underwear.

Our Picks To Save Your Crotchage

The best undies for your nether-region may be the male version of granny panties, but who in this day and age wants to wear those?

No to the one!

So of course, we’ve got your back, er front, covered and can offer a plethora of saviors for your man glands.

We could go on and on about underwear that can save the area men hold most dear, but we have narrowed it down to a few tried and true. If you were ever in doubt before, try out some of these brands and let us know if they work out for you.


The Calvin Klein 365 boxer briefs are not only available in comfortable cotton, but are adept at holding your goods away from your body, keeping your testicles dry, and thus reducing moisture problems.


2xist boxer briefs are also available in cotton and provide ample room in the pouch area and are not too snug in the thigh openings for maximum security and comfort.


For the pure boxer fans out there, we suggest the C-IN2 Hand Me Down Runner Boxer. Not too snug and not too loose, these boxers are perfect to let your ‘boys’ hang a bit but not too much. You can thank us later.

And last but not least: for those that just can’t seem to get any relief from the seemingly never-ending stream of underwear labels serving up new styles season after season, GlamorSLAP begrudgingly offers this advice…

Freeball it.

Triston is an American jetset performance artist, writer, event organizer, and activist based in Europe. As a freelance journalist, he has covered both the underground and mainstream aspects of the arts, culture, music, entertainment, travel, fashion and Fashion Week in several cities, including New York, London, Berlin, Istanbul, Sydney, Bangkok, Hong Kong, and Tokyo to name a few. He has been published in The Huffington Post, Trespass (London), Adaras Magazine (Miami) as well as featured in publications such as the New York Times, Vogue Italia, Turkish Huriyet and other on-line and print magazines in the U.S. and internationally. He recently released his memoir on life in Europe, 'Heaux Confessionals'. As a solo performer and with his band $kandal Du$t, he has toured in some of the world's most renowned clubs, simultaneously maintaining an underground renaissance, blurring the lines of all that is traditional and leaving his indelible, and ultimately unforgettable impression. There is no divide.

Brace yourself.


** support by www.neffmarksman.com **