Amy Schumer, aka Miss Piggy’s human stunt double, is back again with her butterface and #Beckyism, and unlike the majority of the general public?

We are not moved, nor will we be coerced into her realm.

We will stay in her lane.

She can stay in her ditch.

If you’ve been missing mediocrity at its finest the last few months, you’re in luck, because American’s ‘Miss Mediocrity’ is back with another subpar celluloid offering in I Feel Piggy Pretty, which is basically yet another weak plot based around one of Schumer’s one-note standup routine of the last ten years.


Now that she has returned from hibernation and is on media press junkets promoting said film, it is remarkable how none of the media outlets seem to be asking her arguably the most pressing questions surrounding her of late.

Where WAS she when all the Monique hoopla involving Netflix was all over the news? Where was her stance on that as a feminist? What were her views on the pay imbalance for other female comediennes, particularly those of color?

For those that opine Schumer is thoroughly funny and intriguing and worthy of all her millions, that’s your right to love mediocrity. It IS a free world, after all, and can love whatever the hell we want. But if anyone out there can explain to us how she is worth ten times more than Mo’nique, Wanda Sykes, or Tiffany Haddish, we would like to hear it.


      what do these two women have in common? They’re BOTH funnier than Amy Schumer

And as an aside for those that opine we are dragging only white people, let’s be even clearer:

If #BlackTwitter had stood behind Mo’nique by even a tenth compared to how much they dragged her for daring to ask for money, there would probably be more improvement for those other minority comedians deserving of better pay. If you didn’t agree with her approach, fine, but we can almost guarantee that if Schumer came out of left field with a demand, she’d have Lena Dunham and Taylor Swift (aka #TeamMayonnaise, aka #SaltinesOfSorcery) rallying behind her to improve her position. And they, like Miss Amy, is comatose as f*ck.


when the going gets tough, Schumer can always count on her #SaltineSisters to help her out of a bind

That’s right, folx, Schumer, who is always quick to point out in interviews how WOKE she is and how much of a feminist she is, was MIA from the conversation, and is it really shocking?

Computer says no.

Let us bring out some receipts.

For those with short-term memory, it was Schumer herself who proclaimed how she climbed out of of the trenches to become the darling of the comedy world. How she had to claw her way to the top without knowing anyone. But once she had made even the most minor of dents, suddenly?

She is on stage with her cuz Chuck Schumer?

Girl, BYE!


                   remember when she claimed not to know this man? Mmmmhmmm

And for those that opine that her family had no money and she came from nothing, make note that her family did have money, and they lost it. But for those that don’t know how that game is played?

Sure, her family may have lost their money, but they didn’t lose the contacts. Said contacts may boot you from their immediate circle, but they are always ready to welcome your return with open arms if you can manage to finagle your way back to the top.

Enter Amy.

Now, she can say whatever she want about her stance on feminist issues, but let’s be clear:

Her part-time feminism, full-time f*ckery doesn’t sit well with women of color that have had to go through this for years as white women run to them for strength in numbers, only to then leave them by the wayside once their agenda is reached.

So, don’t be surprised when white women are rallying and praising the 100th anniversary of the right of women to vote. What they will omit is the fact that only white women were given that right. Women of color had to wait.

As usual.

For those that opine that Schumer has been welcomed into the black community by way of Chris Rock, let me just put this right here…

Just like that pimp in the neighbourhood that has at least one white girl on a corner. He knows that his little snowflake doesn’t have to be the cutest thing ever. He knows that she doesn’t even have to be talented. She’s still his white little snowflake, and even if she can’t change and stay?

#Becky will still cascade and make it rain.

A la Amy.

In this current era of Trump-ism and rising hate groups, do you really want to place your bets on a privileged white woman and trust her to have your best interests at heart considering her track record?

Do you really want to stand by and allow her to make money off of you knowing good and goddamn well that when push comes to shove?

For those of you that think Amy Schumer is in every single corner of feminism, let’s meet in a dimly lit alley at the corner of Intersectional Boulevard and White Privilege Lane…

So we can slap the taste out of your mouths.

Amy’s shoving you and yours in a ditch and then selective memory-ing her way from the truth. You all know you can name at least five comediennes off the top of your head that are funnier than her.


For those lemmings out there following and believing what #Becky/Amy says instead of does, I have news for you.

Go roll your dumbasses down another hill because we’re trying to reach the mountaintop and don’t need the dead weight.

Triston is an American jetset performance artist, writer, event organizer, and activist based in Europe. As a freelance journalist, he has covered both the underground and mainstream aspects of the arts, culture, music, entertainment, travel, fashion and Fashion Week in several cities, including New York, London, Berlin, Istanbul, Sydney, Bangkok, Hong Kong, and Tokyo to name a few. He has been published in The Huffington Post, Trespass (London), Adaras Magazine (Miami) as well as featured in publications such as the New York Times, Vogue Italia, Turkish Huriyet and other on-line and print magazines in the U.S. and internationally. He recently released his memoir on life in Europe, 'Heaux Confessionals'. As a solo performer and with his band $kandal Du$t, he has toured in some of the world's most renowned clubs, simultaneously maintaining an underground renaissance, blurring the lines of all that is traditional and leaving his indelible, and ultimately unforgettable impression. There is no divide.

Brace yourself.


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