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Ryan Lochte

The Cuntspiracy: Ryan Lochte – Who Says Crime Doesn’t Pay?


Ryan Lochte

Now that the smoke has cleared and it IS clear that Ryan Lochte is a f*ckerized fratboy quick to flee the scene of a crime, you’d think that he’d be ridiculed into oblivion, cast into a ditch, and buried in cow dung. Right?


In a move that sends the wrong message to children that he claims he wants to uplift and inspire, it seems that not only will Lochte not return to Brazil to face the formal charges that have just been issued towards him, but that he is actually profiting from his bad boy behavior.

Rather than face up to 6 years in jail for filing a false reports, Team Lochte is reportedly negotiating a fine to make the case go away. How will he pay off that fine?

Ryan Lochte
Let’s just give all of them endorsement deals for fratboy f*ckerization

Well, after being dropped by some companies a few days ago, it appears that others don’t mind being aligned with a liar, with Pine Brothers teaming up with the disgraced Olympian to pitch their throat lozenges. Says their CEO:

“We all make mistakes, but they’re rarely given front-page scrutiny. He’s a great guy who has done incredible work with charities. I’m confident that Pine Bros. fans will support our decision to give Ryan a second chance.”

Ryan Lochte

It will be interesting to see what other companies sign up Lochte in the coming weeks as Dancing With The Stars also angles to add him to their roster for the upcoming season. So, you see kiddos?

Crime DOES pay.

Insert eyeroll here.

Triston is an American jetset performance artist, writer, event organizer, and activist based in Europe. As a freelance journalist, he has covered both the underground and mainstream aspects of the arts, culture, music, entertainment, travel, fashion and Fashion Week in several cities, including New York, London, Berlin, Istanbul, Sydney, Bangkok, Hong Kong, and Tokyo to name a few. He has been published in The Huffington Post, Trespass (London), Adaras Magazine (Miami) as well as featured in publications such as the New York Times, Vogue Italia, Washington Post, Turkish Huriyet and other on-line and print magazines in the U.S. and internationally. He recently released his memoir on life in Europe, 'Heaux Confessionals'. As a solo performer and with his band $kandal Du$t, he has toured in some of the world's most renowned clubs, simultaneously maintaining an underground renaissance, blurring the lines of all that is traditional and leaving his indelible, and ultimately unforgettable impression. There is no divide.

Brace yourself.


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