Megyn

                                                                   pack yo’ bags, hussy!

From the moment she tossed her blonde tendrils to the side and fled Fox News  for NBC, we were over here, like this, sipping on that Luzianne, Tetley, and Earl Grey, because we knew from jump

Megyn Kelly was/is more than a smidge problematic.

Receipts have been gathered and have been swirling around her for months now, but let us remind you as we gather them…

According to the good folx over at the Sisters of Perpetual Side-Eye…

There are probably lots of people that are finally FINALLY elated that Kelly was slapped from her perch atop the top of the NBC morning division, but just like Roseanne, Meghan McCain, and a slew of other entitled trixxx?

She never should have been in that slot in the first muthaf*ckin’ place!

Megyn

                                            Roseanne & Megyn, sitting in a tree
                                                          C-A-U-C-A-S-I-TEA

Before she even signed on the dotted line of her lucrative NBC contract (we’ll get to that in a minute), Kelly was infamous for saying the type of sh*t that flipped wigs and singed lashes. But NBC thought they could snatch her from the clutches of the GOP, aka Fox News, add more peroxide to her hair, and then just like that.

Voila!

Muthaf*ckin’ presto!

New Working Girl!?

Computer says NO!

File this one under ‘Part-Time Feminist/Full-Time F*ckery’…

Megyn

why the f*ck must Al Roker play second fiddle to this entitled, ignorant trick?!

Just as the people behind the scenes over at Roseanne knew about her behavior from the first go-round, they knew this time too. They just thought they could contain her ass long enough to count those lucrative checks she could generate. So NBC thought with Megyn Kelly, as they tossed Tamron Hall to the side for #Barbie-rella.

Now, Megyn may have gotten the top slot at NBC, and others that have been there for years (some, decades)  were overlooked and pushed out for her Kelly File, but now that the sh*t has hit the proverbial fan, we would bet our last dollar that somewhere?

Tamron Hall is somewhere cacklin’ and sipping tea too.

Megyn

                                                      sip LIBERALLY, Tam…

And just what the f*ck was NBC thinking anyway? Why would anyone want to spend any of their morning on this icy, frigid trick? Instead of trying to fit in with NBC, Megyn had the caucasity to try to make them bend to her will.

Remember her altercation with Jane Fonda? When Jane reached all the way back to her workout days from the 80s and verbally slapped her within an inch of her life, one would have thought Kelly would have realized what and who she could come for.

But nooooooo.

Megyn

                                        Jane to Megyn: “now, wait a minute, b*tch!”

She dug in her high heels, clutched her pearls, and then came for Fonda again for good measure. Now, Jane Fonda is a national treasure that is not to ever be f*cked with, so that was it for us already, but now?

Now, blackface?

Really, b*tch?!

Looks like to us that Megyn got shown her walking papers just in time. Because now she can fly her over to The Netherlands and Belgium, where she can slather on all the tar, charcoal, or black paint she wants over her face to bring in the holidays. We are sure her and Black Pete have something in common.

Megyn

                      is that you, Meg?

Now, don’t feel sorry for Megyn because like all problematic #SaltinesOfSorcery, Kelly will bounce back and probably with more money and clout. But where will she go? Because no one will appear on her show because she’s an asshole. We may cackle now, but we all know in the back of our cold black hearts that we are certain she will be back, probably on Netflix trying to snatch a slot previously vacated by Chelsea Handler (who we like by the way and should not be lumped in with this trick, but we digress).

Currently, NBC has to buy out Megyn’s contract, to the tune of $69 million dollars. Verbal SLAPS says NBC should cut that amount in half and tell her to go f*ck herself.

Bye!

Triston
Triston is an American jetset performance artist, writer, event organizer, and activist based in Europe. As a freelance journalist, he has covered both the underground and mainstream aspects of the arts, culture, music, entertainment, travel, fashion and Fashion Week in several cities, including New York, London, Berlin, Istanbul, Sydney, Bangkok, Hong Kong, and Tokyo to name a few. He has been published in The Huffington Post, Trespass (London), Adaras Magazine (Miami) as well as featured in publications such as the New York Times, Vogue Italia, Turkish Huriyet and other on-line and print magazines in the U.S. and internationally. He recently released his memoir on life in Europe, 'Heaux Confessionals'. As a solo performer and with his band $kandal Du$t, he has toured in some of the world's most renowned clubs, simultaneously maintaining an underground renaissance, blurring the lines of all that is traditional and leaving his indelible, and ultimately unforgettable impression. There is no divide.

Brace yourself.


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