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‘As The THOT Turns’, Episode #20: Fiancé F*ckery

Blac Chyna with The UN-Upgrade-able

We knew it wouldn’t last, of course, but we at least thought there would be a wedding to potentially boost ratings for their reality show. But at the rate things are going now, it looks like Blac Chyna is a fiancée that has finally realized she can do bad by her damn self and plans to vacate the f*ckery before it reaches critical mASS.

Exit Rob Kardashian.

Exit mediocrity.

Enter the truth!

Rob is 37 months pregnant!

Now everyone blessed with the sense of sight knows Rob Kardashian ain’t about sh*t, ain’t never been sh*t, and won’t ever be. His own family even knows this, so this is why they allow him to slowly but surely morph into an unofficial Krispy Kreme spokesperson. With all their millions, he can always pop up on one of his sisters’ corners and snatch a few dollars here and there. Now come reports that Blac Chyna is done with him as their baby hangs in the balance.

Rob Kardashian has allegedly said to Blac, “You’d rather date a rapper than a fat Armenian.”

To which we reply?

Blac Chyna left this, for THAT? Ummmm…

Who WOULDN’T prefer to date a rapper as opposed to a fat Armenian?

If it weren’t for his millions (or at least ACCESS to millions), do you REALLY think any woman would be crashing down gates to get with Fat Bastard’s stepchild? If it weren’t for his sisters raking in the dough that he benefits from, do you really think ANY of Rob’s exes (Rita Ora, Adrienne Bailon) would have given him a second of their time? Computer says?

Hell to the naw!


So, after checking the receipts, reading between the lines and then snorting them, Verbal SLAPS is quite sure that Blac Chyna’s previous men (Tyga, Future) are a true indicator of what she prefers. With her plans to get Rob to get into shape again obviously failing, of course she is going to re-consider her options. And now that she knows that she can rake in the millions on her own (see Amber Rose’s recent announcement), she just might have to go it alone and leave Rob in the dusty ditch again where he belongs!

So as Rob hovers near 300 pounds, looking more pregnant than his babymama, we suggest he just take the lazy approach to weight loss and get a damn gastric sleeve surgery and THEN go secure himself a hot one.


As for Blac? It’s quite clear that when it comes to showers, she has more than what it takes to make it rain on her own.


Triston is an American jetset performance artist, writer, event organizer, and activist based in Europe. As a freelance journalist, he has covered both the underground and mainstream aspects of the arts, culture, music, entertainment, travel, fashion and Fashion Week in several cities, including New York, London, Berlin, Istanbul, Sydney, Bangkok, Hong Kong, and Tokyo to name a few. He has been published in The Huffington Post, Trespass (London), Adaras Magazine (Miami) as well as featured in publications such as the New York Times, Vogue Italia, Washington Post, Turkish Huriyet and other on-line and print magazines in the U.S. and internationally. He recently released his memoir on life in Europe, 'Heaux Confessionals'. As a solo performer and with his band $kandal Du$t, he has toured in some of the world's most renowned clubs, simultaneously maintaining an underground renaissance, blurring the lines of all that is traditional and leaving his indelible, and ultimately unforgettable impression. There is no divide.

Brace yourself.


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