Kylie Jenner is with child.

If this isn’t a sign that we are living in our last days, then nothing is!

It’s not like the tabloids have not been predic(k)ting this for a couple of years and they were not that far off.

In news that is probably not a shock to anyone, the youngest of the Kardashian-Jenner brood (that’s of legal age) has just announced on Twitter that she is knocked up and expecting her first child. Well, isn’t this special?

THOTs having THOTs.

Now, just who is the baby daddy?

Kylie

Well, luckily, confusion has been avoided slightly by it NOT being Tyga, who she has been dating since she was in her mid-teens (yeah, we said it!). So now that Kylie has crossed the last threshold of childhood and is about to spit out spawn, are young girls everywhere going to follow her to this station in life or are they fine and full stop at lip fillers, mascara, and blue hair?

It remains to be seen.

What’s going to be even funnier?

This child is not going to have the bought face that Kylie sports now in the tabloids.

Noooooo.

This child will have the unfortunate face she carried around for 16 years before she decided that she was not going to be the ugly sibling and left Rob Kardashian in the dust. You can get those apps and do the merge all you want, but at Verbal SLAPS, we like to save you time and money. Here’s our take on what this spawn will look like…

Kylie

Chiiiiiiile…

And just how will her big sis Kim feel now that Kylie has definitively taken her THOT blueprint and ran with it like Flo-Jo after a bucket of chicken? Can you imagine the holidays with this family of f*ckery? Will Kanye be able to handle this many rappers at the table? These are things that Blue, Sir, and Rumi will never have to ponder.

And now you wonder why Beyonce keeps her distance from these THOTs?

Now wonder no more!

Kylie

Triston
Triston is an American jetset performance artist, writer, event organizer, and activist based in Europe. As a freelance journalist, he has covered both the underground and mainstream aspects of the arts, culture, music, entertainment, travel, fashion and Fashion Week in several cities, including New York, London, Berlin, Istanbul, Sydney, Bangkok, Hong Kong, and Tokyo to name a few. He has been published in The Huffington Post, Trespass (London), Adaras Magazine (Miami) as well as featured in publications such as the New York Times, Vogue Italia, Turkish Huriyet and other on-line and print magazines in the U.S. and internationally. He recently released his memoir on life in Europe, 'Heaux Confessionals'. As a solo performer and with his band $kandal Du$t, he has toured in some of the world's most renowned clubs, simultaneously maintaining an underground renaissance, blurring the lines of all that is traditional and leaving his indelible, and ultimately unforgettable impression. There is no divide.

Brace yourself.


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