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J.Lo and the Curious Case of assASSination



the act of shutting any activities down with a spectacular posterior

(Heaux Confessionals, essential heaux-cabulary)





Many of you may be wondering which time that was, since Jennifer Lopez’s ass has been getting her in trouble since the 4th grade, but this time it was not just a grade school fiassco, but an entire country.


Enter Morocco.

Enter assASSination©.

Enter the lawsuit.



The baroness of booty was shaking her wares in the African nation of Morocco, but apparently the tremors caused more sensation than they could handle and so she has been slapped with a lawsuit for indecency.





J.Lo: “What did I do?” You know what you AND your asses did! G-U-I-L-T-Y!

According to the lawsuit, Lopez’s barely there outfits, exposed mid-section, and lack of clothing on stage were an affront to the sensibilities of the Moroccan people and they want a refund and imprisonment. If found guilty, Lopez would face up to two years in prison.


Now, we all know that ain’t happening, but we’d pay good money to see someone try to confine all of J.Lo’s asses into one 6 by 6 cell.


Triston is an American jetset performance artist, writer, event organizer, and activist based in Europe. As a freelance journalist, he has covered both the underground and mainstream aspects of the arts, culture, music, entertainment, travel, fashion and Fashion Week in several cities, including New York, London, Berlin, Istanbul, Sydney, Bangkok, Hong Kong, and Tokyo to name a few. He has been published in The Huffington Post, Trespass (London), Adaras Magazine (Miami) as well as featured in publications such as the New York Times, Vogue Italia, Washington Post, Turkish Huriyet and other on-line and print magazines in the U.S. and internationally. He recently released his memoir on life in Europe, 'Heaux Confessionals'. As a solo performer and with his band $kandal Du$t, he has toured in some of the world's most renowned clubs, simultaneously maintaining an underground renaissance, blurring the lines of all that is traditional and leaving his indelible, and ultimately unforgettable impression. There is no divide.

Brace yourself.


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