In 2015, the world of celebrity and f*ckery yet gain went hand in hand, so without further adieu, we remember the ones that made us laugh, made us pray for our sons and daughters, and made us remember that 2016 will be just more of the same shit, different year. So if you forgot a few things?
Allow us to re-UNfresh your memory…
Queen of the Poptrixxx – Adele
In one of the most hotly contested categories, it took the end of the year to determine who would come out on top and they all tried. But by the end of the year, it was Adele and the release of her new album ‘25’ that made all the other poptrixxx bow down, put on some clothes, get off their corners, and applaud the true pop diva of the moment.
Sorry, Miley, Rih-Rih, Vadge, Bey, et al.
MVP (Most Valuable Puppet) Award – the cast of Love & Hip Hop
Yet again, Mona Scott-Young proved that when it comes to pulling THOT strings, she has the market cornered. 2015 saw more of the same: televised beatdowns, snatched weaves, incarcerated cast members, and singles that failed to chart. What do we expect in 2016?
Exactly the same ish!
Most Pimped: Star Wars -The Force Awakens
Impossible to escape, Star Wars was everywhere you wanted to be and in many instances, lots of places you didn’t want to be. From the big screen to the grocery store to even toiletries, the Star Wars franchise left no orifice uncovered. We were half-expecting Yoda to start touting tampons…
May The Force plug up your holes.
However you view it, Star Wars had a strong hand and we would bet Princess Leia’s cinnabuns that you’ve already seen it 15,000 times.
Prostitot of the Year – Taint West
Before any of you cry “too soon”, remember who this toddler is snatching the baton from: his own Aunt, Kylie ‘Thotress Nation’ Jenner. With a name like Saint, this child has nowhere to go but down.
Tattletale of the Year – Ashley Madison
In 2015, Ashley was tellin’ on e’erbody! From politicians to actors, soon to be divorcees to Duggars, Miss Madison had all the tea from the Tetley to the Luzianne to the Earl Grey.
Upwardly Heaux-bile Award – Gigi Hadid
Kendall Jenner may have a louder pimp in Kris Jenner, but Gigi Hadid let her strut do the walking and talking in 2015. After romancing half of Hollywood and killing it on the runways form LA to London and beyond, the proof is in the panty pudding: Gigi, along with her sister Bella Hadid, are in it to win it and are taking on anyone that dares to come for them. This is possibly an ‘It Girl’ that takes the nepotism catcalls and stomps the meow mix out.
Most Improved: Lamar Odom
Don’t get it twisted. Mr. Odom only receives this award because he didn’t die after a weekend bender of sex, sluts, and barbiturates. Can he survive another year still married to a Kardashian? Can he finally sever all ties from KKhlamydia?!
That remains to be seen.
The G.O.A.T. Award – Serena Williams
2015 was another excellent career for Serena Williams and no matter what the detractors say, no one can deny her domination of a sport that loves to hate on her after each and every achievement. She may not have surpassed Margaret Court’s 24 career Grand Slam titles just yet, but in 2016?
That record is set to fall and new ones written with Williams’ name all over it. It’s Serena’s world. We all just live in it.
Famewhore of the Year – Kylie Jenner
Every year, someone in the Klan of Khlamydia is up for this award, and it’s only a matter of who snatches it from the other. This year, Kylie was legally allowed to spread her wings and see how far they would take her and they took her directly to the corner, where a THOT can thrive. No longer necessary to lie about her underage relationship with rapper Tyga, Kylie has taken her THOT game to levels so high that even sister Kim is taking notes from her. Believe us when we say big skanky things are in store for Kris Jenner’s youngest ho.
Verbal Laceration Award – Meek Mill
In the world of hip hop, they say it’s prescient to know when to let sleeping dogs lie or in this case, battle raps cease. But this is a memo that apparently went over Meek Mill’s head when he decided to battle Drake this summer. For many, this was no contest at all, and the man from up north beat our own red, white, and blue so handily that many of us thought for a few minutes about high-tailing it to Canada.
RIP, Meeky. You’ll always have Nicki.
The Miss Miss Award – Ariana Grande
How hard she tried, and we are never one to take away attempts from poptrixxx, but this little one?
After snatching, stuntin’, and somersaulting for Mariah’s throne, The Grande Pequena went after America at large, mocking the country and lamenting the obese. Once the little video went viral, her career to a dive, and in 2016, we will see her management attempt to re-align her career with her objectives of diva domination.
Cuntspiracist of the Year Award – Game of Thrones
If you are an avid fan of the show, then you too are in the same boat as everyone else that hates the producers for teasing us like this. Everyone wants to know what the hell is going on.
Is Jon Snow alive or dead?
Tell us, dammit!!