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Uncle Tim & The Curious Case Of The Cacophony Of Coonery

Starts with C, rhymes with ‘moon’.

Let’s say it altogether now as only a Black church can in unison:

“Uncle Tim is the new Uncle Tom.”

Uncle Tim is to Black Americans what Stephen Miller is to Jews. A goddamn Stockholm Syndrome disgrace!

Let’s get into it and call it out for what it is.

What for a #RaccoonRebuttal?

Tim Scott has dedicated his life to people that have none of his best interests at heart and even worse – have conditioned him to like it. His speech last night went back and forth between the racism hurled at him growing up to his claims that America is not racist. So, apparently in his mind America is just schizophrenic and his part-time recognition of what is and is not racism should just be overlooked as it suits him and the racists he serves. And THAT sounds like full-time f*ckery to the overwhelming majority of us blessed with common sense. 

Tim Scott stood there last night and claimed he’s called the ’N-word’ by progressives, but he forgot to mention one caveat here: EVERY Black person has been called the N-word at some point in time in their lifetimes. It’s part of the journey and he damn well should know it. But he overlooked another one. 

Few of us have been called the C-word.

Starts with ‘C’, rhymes with ‘moon’.

Tim Scott does not speak for me. And allow me to go further, so sure I am of this stance:

Tim Scott does not represent Black people. Uncle Tim knows he is not liked, admired, or respected in the greater Black community. Saying there is no racism in America is beyond ignorant.

It is dangerous.

It’s part of the Republican lie that he has swallowed quicker than Lindsey Graham in a darkly lit alley. Uncle Tim loves to regurgitate this fallacy as he is so convinced that aligning with whiteness makes him look better in their eyes. 

Uncle Tim is a trained koooooon.

It takes a Herculean effort to be this much of a player in your own demise. 

As the Republican party squabbles over their checkers, President Biden stands strong, masterfully playing chess with such skill that he is already on track to be the most important President of our lifetime. And on the other end of the spectrum, the GOP has nothing to offer, no plan whatsoever, and so they have decided to do what they do best. 

F*ckboy sh*tnanigans.

#WhiteBoySummer, MAGA style.

Republicans complaining about #UncleTim trending are the very ones that didn’t have a damn word to say about Donald Trump’s pumpkin spiced ass calling Black nations sh*thole countries. These same “very fine people” that refer to COVID-19 as the “China virus”. The same ones that reminded Nikki Haley that no matter how closely she aligns with whiteness, she is still Nimrata, brown, and will never be one of them in essence. The same ones that have no problems with Jews being murdered in their own neighborhoods.

This is the space where #Karen thrives. 

This is the MTG contingent.

This is MAGA-country.

notice a trend here?

Uncle Tim does not speak for the overwhelming majority of Black people or the Black experience, yet watch as white conservatives flock to him to act as their bullhorn against rebuke. 

Every Black person has met another Black person that is an Uncle Tim. But they are few and far between. And when you see or hear one, initially you cannot believe your ears or trust your eyes. But something is always off and it may take you a hot minute to ascertain why said Negreaux is so bland that even the hot sauce in your purse can’t cure it. 

Stars with C, rhymes with ‘moon’.


Tim Scott is just the type of black person that racist white people search for so they can drag them out any time the ‘R’ word is used. But ask them to find 10 more Tim Scotts or Candace Owens and they shudder. Because they can’t find 10 Tim Scotts in a 100-mile radius anywhere. They’re unicorns found in deep ditches, that rare gem of f*ckery that few would ever pawn. And let’s get real:

These racists are not trying to talk to 10 Black people EVER. 

As Martin Luther King, Jr. does somersaults in his gave, with John Lewis’ body barely cold now in his tomb, a man of Tim Scott’s age has the nerve to stand before a country that has systemic racism entrenched in it since inception and blatantly ignore it?

Computer says hell to the goddamn NO!

Tim Scott is out here defending racists and then has the UN-caucasity to claim America is not racist?

He can suck ALL the c*cks.

He can kiss ALL the taints. 

Tim Scott is what happens when they add 2 tablespoons of Stockholm Syndrome to your grits. If he’s gonna lie in bed with his oppressors, he should at least kindly ask that they swallow.

Uncle Tom/Uncle Tim?

Let that mess go pick some more cotton for the master. 

The rest of us Black people will be over here continuing to get into #GoodTrouble.

And let the Church of Black say, “Amen!”

Triston is an American jetset performance artist, writer, event organizer, and activist based in Europe. As a freelance journalist, he has covered both the underground and mainstream aspects of the arts, culture, music, entertainment, travel, fashion and Fashion Week in several cities, including New York, London, Berlin, Istanbul, Sydney, Bangkok, Hong Kong, and Tokyo to name a few. He has been published in The Huffington Post, Trespass (London), Adaras Magazine (Miami) as well as featured in publications such as the New York Times, Vogue Italia, Washington Post, Turkish Huriyet and other on-line and print magazines in the U.S. and internationally. He recently released his memoir on life in Europe, 'Heaux Confessionals'. As a solo performer and with his band $kandal Du$t, he has toured in some of the world's most renowned clubs, simultaneously maintaining an underground renaissance, blurring the lines of all that is traditional and leaving his indelible, and ultimately unforgettable impression. There is no divide.

Brace yourself.


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